I Can’t Wait to See

Trying to buy glasses during a pandemic is not an enjoyable experience. If you try on a pair of frames and don’t like them, you place frames in a green plastic bin so they can be sanitized and returned to the display. And if you want to see your whole face, the mask has to drop for a few seconds – repeatedly — in a room full of people who are also lowering their masks. Today is Saturday, so EVERYONE was at Eyeglass World. All the techs were busy with customers and the green bins were full, so slim pickins. I was taking selfies to send to Rick for his opinion, so I had to put on the frames, put my regular glasses on top of the frames so I could see to get selfie mode set up. After five more steps I would put the frames I decided I didn’t like into the green bin and then start over. After ten minutes I swear I could see microscopic viruses floating around the store. I quickly became overwhelmed and left — and now I feel bad for keeping their pen. I’ll try again on Monday.

My last eyeglasses prescription sat in my car, in my purse, and stuck to our metal door with a magnet for nearly a year. I never had it filled and I complained about being nearly blind the whole time. In 2008 I bought a pair of brown leather Merrill slip-on clogs and those were my winter shoes through 2019 (Yes, sometimes you have to pay $90 for good shoes, but man, they last.) Rick has been reminding me frequently to go get new shoes, but I haven’t. Today I wore my bright orange-pink gym shoes to run errands.
I have been living in three t-shirts since the first COVID lockdown and now they are formless and droopy. I need to cut them up and use them for dusting. I refuse to buy clothes because any second now I’m going to lose 50 pounds and will have to buy new clothes again, and why waste the money now? Our fridge always looks like I need to go grocery shopping because I always need to go grocery shopping. At the beginning of lockdown I freaked out because buying enough food for a week or two was a foreign concept to me, which I don’t understand because my mom and sister could each feed their whole towns for a week if the need arose. I think I bought two boxes of pasta and twenty cans of soup.

I never decided to hate shopping, I’ve just never been very good at it — zero fashion sense, I hate cooking, and my brain has no planning mode. Also, I have always had a difficult time spending money on material things without feeling guilt and I have very few ideas where that comes from — maybe it’s in my subconscious because my family didn’t have much money when I was growing up and I felt like a burden when I needed new things? (My addiction, books, has always been the exception.)

Crowds send me into flight mode, as does being overheated, and loud music. Throw in a hovering salesperson and *poof* I’m gone. So, I’m usually in a state of need, but due to my infrequent trips out into public, and my long-suffering husband, it is very easy to keep putting off buying necessities. I can’t buy clothes online, and I don’t trust others to choose my produce, so I haven’t used online options for anything other than summer shoes.

When I do get the bug and decide to pull myself together, here’s my shopping list:

  • new lounge wear and a pair of jeans
  • shoes
  • make-up
  • good body lotion
  • a new hair brush

A curious thing: I don’t mind shopping for other people, it brings me a lot of joy.

What say you?

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